you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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