College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
