If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
