Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
