never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
