So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
