Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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