All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
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He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
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He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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