he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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