i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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