you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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