Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
