His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
