Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
