help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
