You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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