Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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