Plan B is the new Plan A
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
this beer tastes like vomit already
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
