yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize