Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
