Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
there is glitter all over my balls
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
