so explain again why im purple
no
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
