Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
