At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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