I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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