I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My dick has a subreddit
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
