Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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