I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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