I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
