Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize