And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He? As in you personified your dick?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
