I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
