i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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