So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
