Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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