Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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