i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
