Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
