Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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