***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
