watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
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HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
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