I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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