I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
