Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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