actually, I'm a sock model
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
