just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
