the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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