every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
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we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize