Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
