I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
