guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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