I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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