I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
