the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
