Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize