I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
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My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
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Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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