Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
