hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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