I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
