your thong is hanging out like whoa
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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