The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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