wakey wakey hands off snakey
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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