I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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