The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
