This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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