Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
