Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
