This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
