just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
