i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
